Small Town Wedding

You’ve heard it all before. Small Town Boy meets Big City Girl (Big as in the city, not the girl). They fall in love and love plays all these tricks on them. They finally realised that they can’t live without each other. So, they walk down the aisle with the blessings of their parents and a lavish wedding is thrown in the Capital City. But before they can walk into the sunset together, they have to attend one more wedding dinner in the boy’s hometown, the final matrimonial act …. this is where my story starts …

Last weekend, I was summoned back to Muar to attend Saye Chuan and Julia’s wedding. Saye Chuan, whom I have known since primary school, had decided to surrender his bachelor club privileges to tie the knot with his lovely sweetheart from PJ. It wasn’t too long ago(OMG it’s 3 years already!) when I first heard the story (fondly recounted by excited friends from KL then) of how the two met in Bar Fly and how Saye Chuan romanced his future bride (with flowers on the first date and plenty of support from his buddies). Well now to end the fairy tale for our very deserving friend, a befitting hometown wedding was held to celebrate the day with friends and family.

Where was I , oh yeah, I reached Muar about 10:30pm Friday night. After taking a hot shower and while sipping my mug of refreshing hot coffee, I got a call from Will (or Willie to his hometown friends) announcing the arrival of the KL entourage (made up of fellow friends, their mates and Julia’s girlfriends from KL) and an invitation for supper. So in spite of having just gorged on two moncakes, I decided that enjoying late night supper with good company was a chance not to be missed.

Late Night Supper at Muar's famous "Long Poh" Seafood Restaurant

The next day we were greeted by bright sunny weather. The guys made their way to Saye Chuan’s place for the morning’s activities. While waiting to set off, we amused ourselves with idle chatter, photo taking and mild sun-tanning.

Justin clowning around

Steven and Ray

‘Then the horn sounded, a loud blast coming from the east. The men were roused. They quickly mounted their steeds and led by the leader they rode towards the rainbow’s end (or Hotel Pelangi as the locals call it). The seven magnificent mounts were adorned with gold and silver banners (more like ribbons, some straight, some curled) and rode in a tight line towards the tower. At the tower gates, the party dismounted and raced up 5 levels to where the Princess was imprisoned. Then at the final door, the leader was ambushed by two evil stepsisters who were out to thwart the gallant heroes. A riddle was thrown at the leader but due to his sharp wit he easily gave the correct answer. Next to break the spell on the door the leader broke into song (a Chinese love number), and by the sheer force and strength of the emotions emoted in the song, the door’s resistance gave way. Much rejoicing and fanfare took place in the small crowded room as the hero and his princess bride were finally reunited. A mass medieval portrait painting (photo taking) session soon ensued.’

Pretty please... let us in

Together at last

This was followed by the obligatory tea ceremony and buffet lunch. In the afternoon. some of the guys brought the KL guests out for hair-wash (at Helens’) and a food fest at Glutton Street.

That night, the wedding dinner ran smoothly and peacefully. Maybe it wasn’t so peaceful to the ear as we were entertained the whole night by an unending stream of local Hokkien Idol wannabes (restricted to 50 yrs and above). In between, we had a poetry recital by one of the bridesmaid, a ‘this is your life’-type power point clip, a duet by two of the bestmans, a group singalong and many rousing ‘Yam Sengs’.

The Muar Po gang and their mates


Friends of the bride and groom

After the wedding we gave our friends from KL a typical Muar night tour - trips to the two Tanjongs, a visit to the local ‘Ah Kua’ or transvestites fav hangout, and a drink at one of the few late night drinking holes.

Sunday morning came to soon, we set off again in search for more food. Steve and me being the two tour guides, brought the ladies for Mee Rebus, Roti Pratas, Rojak Petis and Ice Kacang. The morning breakfast tour came to a close at 12pm, just in time for them to prepare for lunch at 12:30pm.

A mouth watering plate of Mee Rebus at Jln Haji Jaib

That afternoon, Vicky and I got on the bus to JB at 3pm. So ends the short weekend getaway in Muar.

Frozen in Time

Photos.

They are many things to many people.

Some are for artistic beauty, while some are for the stark reality;
Some deliver grim messages, while some bring rolling changes.

Then there are those which we keep in our stick-on photo albums. These stills capture different parts of our lives, moments frozen in time. They are like these memory tabs that when selected or viewed, will evoke certain memory files which will then screen these short video clips in the back of our minds, often with accompanying sounds, smell and emotions.

These are a few random photos from my past ....

Posing with Yin

My first dance

Retreat at Jo's Estate

At KL's B&B

Being welcomed at the train station

With the Raffles Hall family

The Curse of the Se7en

Drats ! Finally succumbed to this Se7en meme. Couldn't find the counter-curse in time or else I would have cursed the tag-caster with seven mooncake-sized warts in his nether regions.

Seven things you plan to do before you die:
1. Travel to paradise (or somewhere close)
2. Write a book
3. Grow a plant
4. Learn to roller blade
5. Inspire a youth
6. Meet a living hero
7. Grow old with people I love (or at least people I can stand)

Seven things I could do:
1. Eat, Sleep, Shit (the 3 basic body needs)
2. Strum a plausible "Country Roads" on the guitar
3. Sing the 'theme' song for 'Transformers' - the cult cartoon series
4. Design my own webpage (note : the links don't work, progress has been very slow.)
5. Run 3.5km in about 20 mins (is it too late to sign up for M'sia's Astronout Selection programme?)
6. Read maps
7. Do a '1/2 sommersault with 3 twist' dive .... in my dreams

Seven Celebrity crushes:
1. Karina Lau (a long long time ago before she met Tony)
2. Courtney Cox (before Friends, in the days of 'Misfits of Science')
3. Helen Slater (hot chick in supergirl costume)
4. Julia Roberts (when she was everybody's favourite call girl in Pretty Woman)
5. Joanne Peh (Mediacorp's upcoming leading lady!)
6. Kristin Kreuk (lovely asian faced beauty in Smallville)
7. Michelle Pfeiffer (aging with grace)

Seven often repeated words:
1. Okay
2. Huh ?
3. Hmmm ....
4. Wah Lau eh ...
5. Sorry not interested (reserved for all credit card and intermedia tele-marketers)
6. Sure not ???
7. If only ...

Seven physical traits I look for in the opposite sex:
1. Eyes that melt
2. Kissable Lips
3. Lovely Cheekbones
4. A disarming smile
5. Sexy shoulder blades
6. Slender legs
7. Must be huggable

Ok, shall not tag anybody this time round.

Ah hah ... found my 'Level 10 Spellbook - Guide to Hexing Misbehaving Hobbits and Bearded Beer Brats'. I hereby curse the tag-caster with irresistable female charm this Saturday at Sungai Buloh, making him a walking babe magnet and drop dead attractive to all female creatures under the sun(including all female inhabitants of the swamp), with the exception of all female mozzies of course(taking into account the dengue epidermic).

Signing out. Peace !

Cold War

My Cold finally caught up with me yesterday, after weeks of me struggling to douse the flowing mucus laden lava secreting out of the pits of my respiratory tracts. My previous attempt to heal the cold included popping Vitamin Cs and Multi-Vites, and even affording a few 'Clarinase' pills. However the best medicine came yesterday in the form of rest and medication, both dispensed by the kind lady doctor from Clementi's 24 hr clinic. Good news is that the nose is still holding up today. Hope the dry weather stays.

Anyway here's something that has cracked me up recently. Got it from a friend and he claims it's from a Australian Tourism website.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe.Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which doesnot... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every tuesday night in KingsCross. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here andwe'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? ( UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round?(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk isillegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gumtrees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first

Discovering Molvania. Travel on a lighter side

Some reactions from friends when I was carrying around the 'Molvania' travel guide book by Jetlag ...
"Oooh ... you going travelling ?"
"Hmmm ... Molvania, that's in Eastern Europe right ?

Well they're half right. The Republic of Molvania is supposed to be one of the smallest country in eastern europe. But though it does sound familiar (like a mix between macedonia + moldova), it's a fake country concocted by a group of brilliant writters, mixing travel writing with a huge dollop of humour. If you're the kind of person who swears by your 'lonely planet' and have a penchant for novel satirical works, this is just the book for you.

Here are some funny bits from the book ...

On Language
"The US State Department ranks languages by the time it takes their operatives and trainees to learn them. Spanish is listed at five months while North Korean and Arabic takes 24. Molvanian is officially classified as 16 years and hence is considered at the difficult end of the spectrum. The official State Department guide lists several reasons for this, including the ability for the same word to be both complimentary and insulting depending on the key in which it is vocalised. "

On Dining
"Yes, the ubiquitous American burger bar McDonalds has infiltrated Molvania, although, it should be said, not without a fight from local restaurateurs who fought long and hard against the arrival of this fast food establihment, fearful that its combination of high-fat, sugar-laden food served in a sterile, soulless environment would drive standards up."

On Accomodation
"Svetranj also offers a wide range of youth hostel accomodation, a cheap alternative to hotels. Bookings are essential as these places can get pretty busy in summer, especially now that the largest and most popular hostel, Djormi's, has been closed down by authorities after guests reported finding video cameras hidden in women's shower facilities. (The owner, the irrepressible Viktor Djormi, originally denied all knowledge, then insisted the cameras were there for security to prevent soap and towel theft. The matter is still before the courts where a full bench of judges are now into their second year of viewing the taped evidence)."

On setting the record straight
"The publishers wish to make it clear that Lutenblag's Jhahmim Restaurant features Lebanese food and dancing, and not - as our previous edition described - lesbian food and dancing. We apologise for the error. However, on a positive note, the proprietors of Jhahmim inform us they are booked out for the next three years."

The only drawback that I find is that the humour becomes repetitive after awhile. Well the trick is not to read it in one go like a novel.

Where you can find it ? It can be found at the Humour section at Borders, or you can borrow it from me after I finish reading it (must return ok ?).

Islamic Conversion - a hard lump to swallow

6 Important Facts

you need to know before you fall for the hunky Mat Rocker next door or the Siti Nurhaliza lookalike.

(Disclaimer : I've nothing against love or Islam, just to make sure you know the fine print before you walk down the aisle, er.. i mean throw the kenduri. )


The Legal Implications of Conversion to Islam

Under Syariah enactments of most of the 13 States of Malaysia;

1. Conversion back to your former religion is either (a) not allowed under the law, or (b) a criminal offence which means you may be fined, whipped, detained or imprisoned under State Islamic laws

2. If you are under 18 years of age, you require your parent's permission to convert to Islam.

3. Your identity card will record your conversion to Islam. Therefore, even if you are no longer practising Islam, you may be fined, whipped, detained or imprisoned for violation of Syariah laws, such as praying in Church, eating in public during fasting month, khalwat etc.

4. You cannot marry a non-Muslim. If you decide to divorce and attempt to convert out of Islam, you will lose custody of your children because they are Muslims.

5. Upon death, your non-Muslim relatives will lose their rights to any property, money, etc. that you want to leave to them. The corpse of a convert to Islam will be taken away from his or her non-Muslim family for Islamic rites and burial even if you have not been a practising Muslim for many years.

6. In the event that your spouse converts to Islam, you may have no right to either your children or your spouse's property.

(The above is an excerpt from a document issued by the Malaysian Bishops to advise the faithful about the implications of converting to Islam)

Interesting read. Not too sure how similar the rules are here in S'pore.

Mee Bandung Central

Mee Bandung is often associated with Muar. Yet, from my early days, my tastebuds were usually attracted to the more regular local noodle fare like Mee Goreng, Mee Rebus and Mee Soto. That was until last Sunday, when fate decided to arrange the date, that my parents decided to stop at this Mee Bandung stall, located just outside Muar town (Tjg Agas, opposite Sek Men Sains.). The place was called Mee Bandung Central, no joke, gone are the days where stalls were simply known as "Warong Mamat" or "Warong Ali".

The Mee Bandung was simply the most popular dish here(they didn't have much choices in the first place). Here, the noodles were cooked in sweet spicy soup with a tinge of dried prawn paste. The dish was accompanied with pieces of chicken, bean sprouts, tofu and egg. All for a affordable price of RM3.00. Reminds me of Mee Rebus with less-thick soup and a good dose of chili ... simply worth the 29 year wait ...