The Lion, The Ape and The Bloke in the Yellow New York Cab

Caught the two must-watch movies of 2005 over the long New Year weekend. Not too disappointing, though I had to pay stiff weekend rates($9.50 per tix + $1 online booking fee) for the two. At least I got good seats since the rest of the country have already caught them weeks before.

And now, inspired by the two great stories, I present to you my version of one of the most anticipated fight in fantasy movie history (after the Gandalf vs Head Ringwraith failed to materialise) - Aslan vs King Kong ...

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Scene 1 : Aslan looking over the plains of Narnia. Let’s out a terrible roar.

Aslan : (Mutters to himself) I’m the King of the world. I’m sitting pretty at the top of the box office, the books are selling well, got a new role in an upcoming National Geographic special, nothing could spoil my ....

Kong : Oii Lion ! Are you the King of Narnia and the Long Islands?

Aslan : You mean Lone Islands. Yes, yes I am He. What is it my loyal subject?

Kong : Last me heard you still not king of Skull Island. Me King there! (beats chest with fists)

Aslan : Hmmm ... must get Peter to conquer that piece of wild untamed land. So what brings you here?

Kong : Me under orders of Ann, me mean White Witch, to put you into cage and sell you to the Ringling Brothers Circus.

Aslan : Gasp! They have already recasted that struggling Vaudeville actress as my nemesis!!!

Kong : Yeah, me Ann sitting on Ice Throne now after Ms.Swinton decided to go back to the Beach. Okay, enough small talk, time to kick Lion’s ass.

Aslan : (Putting on his best Liam Neeson voice) Now, now good beast. You don’t want to hurt me, the son of the Emperor over the Sea, Creator of all things beautiful and good in Narnia, the one who died to save ...

Kong : Eh Lion, stop preaching. No wonder your movie won’t make it at the Oscars, maybe some Christian movie award more likely ah. Anyway my hands are itching to beat you into pulp just like what I did to those three lecherous dinos in Skull Island.

Aslan : (Talks to himself) I could get my entire army of Buffins, Centaurs and talking animals to battle this brute but that would take up more expensive reel time and not to say lots of extras. The cost of production in NZ has gone up last I heard. Ah hah , I got it !

(whispers to Centaur) Psst ... General Oreius. Listen here, go get that Jack guy, you know the New York playwright that Kong just loves to hate, put him into a yellow cab and then we’ll just sit back while mr.hairy here chase mr.hero-wannabe all around the Old New York movie sets. That will keep the big monkey busy for awhile.

Scene 2 : Aslan yawns as yellow cab speeds pass him(for the umpteenth time) with a giant ape in hot pursuit.

Aslan : Quick, quick place your bets. My money is on Jack lasting beyond 10 minutes ...

*** The End ***

Savage Chicken’s take on Kong vs Aslan here.